A Mother's Love

'I would agree that it was tough for me. It was severe pain. You know, Ma, it hurts right in the heart. I am a good boy, I have done no wrong intentionally to anyone I know. Yes, I played a number of tricks on a number of people, but I have never hurt them. Sometimes, I have even sacrificed what might be better for me for their happiness. But see, here I am, breathing my last. God, indeed is cruel. 

I love old country songs, you know that. I have even made you listen to some of them, though you never really liked any of them. How I want to go back to those moments when you would make fun of my taste in music and I would try defending how great they are. Good times!'

"Madam, we fear your son has attempted to do something horrible to himself.  This kind of note is mostly found, to be specific, in cases of..."

"I know what you are getting at. I do not believe my son would do something like that. I have raised him well. I know that. It is some staging done by someone who probably kidnapped him" said Mrs. Thompson.

"Madam, you might feel like that. We are keeping an open mind here... umm... but we fear there is a higher chance of what I said earlier. We will do our best to find your son." said the lead Agent on the case.

'I have a lot of friends. They are amazing. Though amazing would be a poor choice of word. In fact, I can't find a single word in the Oxford Dictionary that lies in the corner of the middle rack. I couldn't imagine myself without the bunch of folks who are my friends. If somebody comes to visit after I am no more, please tell them the truth. They need to know the truth. They should not be kept in dark in any case.

Please let them know, I am grateful for their presence in my life. They made this cruel life a bit less cruel. My current state is not, in any case, a result of their interaction with me.'

"Madam, we have searched the entire neighborhood. A witness speaks that he saw him traveling on his bike to the cliff. It is turning out to be what we all have feared from the start. Please do not lose your calm. We do hope him to be fine till we reach there." said the Agent.

Removing the tears from her eyes, Mrs. Thompson said in a shaky voice "Would it be fine, if I would join you? I want to see him." and a few more teardrops rolled down the cheek.

"Sure, madam. It would be not a problem at all." said the Agent as he ordered all the vehicles to be made ready for immediate departure.

'I wish I could come back. Walk in the evening. Share a few gossips with you. Enact a few funny incidents. Make you laugh. But, I don't think there would be time for that. It is already too late. 

I have lived a great life. I, myself, was the weak point in my entire life. You believed in me, my friends they did too, the neighborhood folks took pride in saying to their relatives - "Ethan is our neighbor". But the whole time, I did not believe in myself. I always feared too much that I never got the proper courage to face life. I feared being defeated in life, being crumbled under the stress, letting you down, making my friends hurt. I am sorry for my behavior. I am indeed sorry. I should have faced my damn life, should have fought it like a brave man. You do. My friends do that. But me? No.

Goodbye Ma.

Yours

Ethan'

"This shoe - does it belong to Ethan? We found it near the cliff" asked the Agent. Mrs. Thompson opened the vehicle door and held the shoe. Looked at it. Her tears spoke everything, Ethan was no more.

"We are very sorry for your loss, Mrs. Thompson" and the Agent walked away.

My eyes opened. I saw my fingers trembling. I clenched my fist to gain courage. Stood up from bed, tightened my robe. Walked slowly to Ethan's room. The door opened with a small creak. Ethan was sleeping peacefully. As they say, he has suicidal tendencies. I walked up to his bed, slowly kissed him on his forehead. 

It is tough being Ethan's mother. 

But the only hope I have is love, a mother's love for her son.

Siba Smarak Panigrahi