Dear Crush ('Dear' series : Ep 02)

Dear Crush
(Tip - Follow the spacing between paragraphs!)
(Also please try to answer in the comments below)

Fine Monday Morning. I was going through my college books. Covered with dust. I was actually searching for a book that could help my son to understand a concept better. A letter suddenly fell down. I picked it up. There was something scribbled on it - 

1. I suffered from heavy toothache.

2. I wanted to meet a doctor.

3. Met with a nurse.

4. Talked about pain.

5. She smiled, went away to call the doctor, giving hope.

6. What remained? Me, my increasing pain.

Nostalgia hit hard. To all my dearest people, including her, I wish to provide some insight into my thoughts of one evening, three days prior to writing this letter.

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I was standing near the wall. To be specific, in one corner of the floor. I was simply waiting for the people inside to come out of HOD's room so that I can enter and get a signature. I was there in the department from five in the evening and it is nearly seven now. Oh gosh! How much more time? I even have to complete and submit the application. Hoping for the best. Fingers crossed.

I opened Whatsapp. I had never archived anybody's chat. But I had decided. Her chat - goes to the archive! I had not noticed her in my past years. When I first met her, in the recent turn of events - I mistook her for someone else. It was my friend who corrected me. The black jacket over her shirt, the specs she had, perfect. I don't know how, but I developed deep feelings for her. "Crush in first sight!" my neuron fired. Nevertheless, I at least met her. That is significant.

At first, when I talked, it was awkward, quite too much one could say. Even my roommate would form an opinion that she was getting irritated. I felt so, and at one point I decided, this would be the last message. After that just as a simple friend. At least, I would not regret that I had not talked with her!

Bored I messaged. Anybody could realize that it was truly a random one. I was pacing the floor, in the department. How much longer would I have to wait?!

She was, I suppose, crafted. After I got her number, I felt that as an achievement. Could you imagine, achievement, for me - a guy who had won a number of trophies and medals, for that guy, getting a girl's number became an achievement!
She was totally disinterested in talking to me. Or maybe initial talks are simply awkward. But I remember the night, yesterday only, twenty-four hours have not passed yet - some thoughts matched. And that was a hell of a great talk. I had not chatted like that one, for like months. And I feel thankful to her, for the same.

I got a reply, and couldn't be more happy to pass this hell work of sitting on the stairs, waiting to get a sign. A smile came out of nowhere. Small one. It was a bit long text. Was she interested to talk? No. Just a reply to answer my random query? Yeah.
A piece of beauty. The small talk lasted less than a couple of minutes, I realized if I would put forth one more random query, she would have an otherwise impression of me. What troubled me is that she might already have done that. I just saw her last message and took a deep breath. I clicked on her profile pic. That smile.
I have received compliments for my smile. There would be seriousness on my face - friends would demand, bring back that smile. Some close ones would say - your photo, minus the smile is equivalent to dullness. With a smile, beautiful. And I had started giving smiles in all of my photos since last year!

I was gazing at her photo. How could someone be so beautiful? It was as if God created her, then took a glance, thought that this beautiful human needs more beauty and the result - she was created. I was too much engrossed. The door opened and closed. I looked up at the person and then down at the screen. It took me a time span of two minutes to realize that my wait of two hours had been futile. I rushed downstairs. HOD was inside the car and was hitting the road. I missed the chance, today was the last date of application, to apply for a scholarship, and I badly needed that sign.

I would not feel ashamed to say that I have a crush on her. (looking at a group of my friends, standing in front of the department) Would you not say this as having a crush on her? Let you ponder on the above question whilst I ponder - would she always remain my crush, or would she come close?
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"It is most probably on the first rack, towards the window" a female voice responded.
Was that the answer I sought? I turned back. My wife was standing there. At least she knew where the book was!
I got the book. Smiled at her. I threw the letter to the back of the shelf, to remain concealed.
       

- Siba Smarak Panigrahi
(Can't Resist Until Solace Happened (C.r.u.s.h), solace may be rejection or acceptance.
This is what I say, when my son asks me what do I mean by having a crush?)