You Do (Not) Matter

I was sitting in a cafe, alone but surrounded by people. I ordered myself a Cappuccino.

Cafes are a great place to get done with your work. You see so many people working, and you either get motivated or feel guilty that you are getting behind, and you put in more effort. Either way, you can get your work done. It so happened that I was stuck on a problem - something that had been bugging me for the past week. I rarely go to a cafe; however, I dragged myself to one with the above-win situation in mind. Nevertheless, as has been the case in the last week, I couldn't get past the problem.

The waiter brought my order. I took a sip from the cup and the opportunity to look around.

So many people; engrossed in something or the other. From the person making the coffee to people building a new product. From writers deep in their thoughts to people selling their products. It seemed everyone was busy in their own world. Then..., it suddenly hit me how many of them are taking a pause to think about what they are doing, why they are doing it, and more specifically, if it matters, and more deeply, if they matter? I took a pause. I realized that this question goes far deeper than most, if not all, of the things to ponder.

I drank a bit more. I didn't notice it before, but the cup had a tiny scratch.

Overwhelmed, I started looking outside the cozy little cafe to calm myself. Several people crossed the street to catch an incoming bus. Unfortunately, some couldn't reach the bus stop in time and had to wait for the next one, which should be here within 10 minutes if I remember the schedule. The people who were waiting didn't care much as long as they reached their destination. It didn't matter which bus they chose. Was it so easy to replace something? I don't think it worked; I don't think I calmed myself.

I took a deep breath and gulped. I never realized I could do this with a cup of coffee.

Am I replaceable? Huh, I looked outside to take my mind off the chain of thought, but as they say, the more the things change, the more they stay the same. If I am not going to solve the research problem, someone else will come shortly and solve it. Even if I am going to solve it, someone will come and make it even better. Even if I find the best possible solution, the people may not look at it because they have far more important things to care about.

I raised the cup high enough to drink the remaining coffee.

What would happen if the writer doesn't finish his writing? First, only some, if not none, would actually know about it. Second, someone else could steal the theme and write a better piece. What would happen if she doesn't build the incredible new product she is working on? Someone else would definitely do it, and if that doesn't happen, then nobody wanted it to happen in the first place. How weird is it that you should stop working to see the worth of your actions? With every single thought, it was getting more and more grim. I had made up my mind to the point that every single person could be replaced by someone else. For goodness sake, there are billions of people on this earth, and it would not be difficult to find your replacement if it were required for the world to keep moving.

There was a tap on my shoulder, and the waiter asked if I was done. As I said yes, he took the cup from the table.

At this point, it again hit me. That very cup from which I drank is the easiest thing to replace in this world! They could have picked another random cup, and I wouldn't have noticed. But it served a purpose when it was with me; it carried the coffee so I could drink comfortably. We carry a purpose; for that reason, we do matter when we build relationships and when people rely on us for something. Hmm.., the whole meaning of our life, the meaning of our existence develops if we can be there for someone and, hopefully, someone for us, too.

Siba Smarak Panigrahi

Epilogue

As Roy Batty (from Blade Runner) would say, "All this thought is just lost in time, like tears in the rain." I'm still working, and everyone is pushing themselves for what they care about, hoping other people would eventually also care about similar things. It seems this chain of thought is fruitless, ...or is it? Is someone else in the cafe also going through what I'm going through? Why do we see so many people around but feel alone and know almost nothing about others? Well, that's another problem to discuss, which I won't. Well, not yet, I mean, I can't promise.